1 00:00:03,201 --> 00:00:06,237 [♪] 2 00:01:15,708 --> 00:01:16,841 So he said to me, 3 00:01:16,842 --> 00:01:18,910 "I just can't move my feet like you do, bud." 4 00:01:18,911 --> 00:01:21,645 So I says, "hammer, please don't make me hurt you. 5 00:01:21,646 --> 00:01:24,148 Now, just watch my feet." 6 00:01:24,149 --> 00:01:25,549 And the rest, shall we say, is... 7 00:01:25,550 --> 00:01:27,051 A lie? 8 00:01:28,153 --> 00:01:29,153 Yes. 9 00:01:29,154 --> 00:01:30,788 Yes, my mouth must be punished. 10 00:01:30,789 --> 00:01:32,490 Kiss me, you minx. 11 00:01:40,132 --> 00:01:42,600 Was it everything I told you it would be? 12 00:01:42,601 --> 00:01:44,101 No. 13 00:01:45,003 --> 00:01:46,537 But it was everything 14 00:01:46,538 --> 00:01:48,539 The other girls told me it would be. 15 00:01:51,376 --> 00:01:54,279 Well, then, let's try my patented gyro-tongue action. 16 00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:56,114 Look... 17 00:01:56,115 --> 00:01:58,716 Before I cheapen myself anymore, 18 00:01:58,717 --> 00:02:01,285 Are you sure you can get front-row tickets 19 00:02:01,286 --> 00:02:03,889 To the vanilla ice concert? 20 00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:05,256 Hey. 21 00:02:05,257 --> 00:02:07,859 Now, I'm the one who showed ice, hammer's steps. 22 00:02:14,099 --> 00:02:17,335 Now, play that funky lip music, white girl. 23 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:30,048 Hey, if I told you punks once, 24 00:02:30,049 --> 00:02:31,783 I told you a thousand times. 25 00:02:31,784 --> 00:02:33,818 Keep your hands off my daughter. 26 00:02:35,487 --> 00:02:37,221 You little ninny. 27 00:02:40,159 --> 00:02:41,793 [knocking on door] 28 00:02:46,765 --> 00:02:49,334 Oh, I love it when they come back for more. 29 00:02:52,904 --> 00:02:54,572 Oh, hi, son. 30 00:02:56,108 --> 00:02:57,141 Turn on the lights. 31 00:02:57,142 --> 00:02:58,609 What for? 32 00:02:58,610 --> 00:03:00,144 Turn on the lights! 33 00:03:03,582 --> 00:03:05,717 Does that look like kelly to you? 34 00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:09,154 Does it?! 35 00:03:16,362 --> 00:03:17,528 You mean... 36 00:03:17,529 --> 00:03:20,432 That was you over there, bundyfying that girl? 37 00:03:24,270 --> 00:03:26,004 All right, son. 38 00:03:26,005 --> 00:03:27,605 [chuckles] 39 00:03:27,606 --> 00:03:29,941 Come on over here, now. 40 00:03:29,942 --> 00:03:31,076 Sit back down-- here. 41 00:03:31,077 --> 00:03:32,777 Put your little arm around her-- there. 42 00:03:32,778 --> 00:03:33,911 Hey, peg! 43 00:03:33,912 --> 00:03:36,214 Peg, get down here, you gotta see this! 44 00:03:36,215 --> 00:03:37,281 Bring the camera! 45 00:03:37,282 --> 00:03:39,417 I gotta go. 46 00:03:39,418 --> 00:03:41,386 Call me when you get the tickets. 47 00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:45,222 And remember, the closer I get to ice... 48 00:03:45,223 --> 00:03:48,192 The closer you get to the heat. 49 00:03:54,467 --> 00:03:56,568 Oh! What is it, al? What is it? 50 00:03:56,569 --> 00:03:59,103 Are marcie and jefferson playing nude jeopardy again? 51 00:03:59,104 --> 00:04:00,104 No, no. 52 00:04:00,105 --> 00:04:01,906 No. More incredible. 53 00:04:01,907 --> 00:04:03,207 Bud had a girl here. 54 00:04:03,876 --> 00:04:05,242 Yeah, right. 55 00:04:06,912 --> 00:04:08,179 Al, I thought we agreed 56 00:04:08,180 --> 00:04:10,515 Not to make fun of him to his face. 57 00:04:11,517 --> 00:04:13,017 Now, good night, honey. 58 00:04:13,018 --> 00:04:14,218 And don't worry. 59 00:04:14,219 --> 00:04:16,587 One day, it won't be just a cruel joke. 60 00:04:16,588 --> 00:04:18,289 [laughs] 61 00:04:18,290 --> 00:04:20,725 Does no one in this house see my sex appeal? 62 00:04:20,726 --> 00:04:24,028 I mean, I see it. These people must be crazy. 63 00:04:24,029 --> 00:04:26,531 Well, luckily, I have a girl who loves me now. 64 00:04:26,532 --> 00:04:27,632 Buy the way, dad, 65 00:04:27,633 --> 00:04:29,467 I need 60 bucks to take her to a concert, 66 00:04:29,468 --> 00:04:32,771 Or she's gonna go with someone she finds genuinely attractive. 67 00:04:39,311 --> 00:04:42,547 Daddy? Have I told you how much I loved you? 68 00:04:42,548 --> 00:04:43,815 Oh, no. 69 00:04:43,816 --> 00:04:45,817 How much, kelly? 70 00:04:45,818 --> 00:04:47,686 A whole lot. 71 00:04:47,687 --> 00:04:49,921 No, I mean, how much money do you want? 72 00:04:49,922 --> 00:04:51,322 That's what I was talking about: 73 00:04:51,323 --> 00:04:52,423 A whole lot. 74 00:04:52,424 --> 00:04:54,759 Daddy, I need this money so bad. 75 00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:57,795 Our modeling school's going on this really important field trip 76 00:04:57,796 --> 00:05:00,264 To the old models home... 77 00:05:00,265 --> 00:05:03,233 To visit...Renee. 78 00:05:03,234 --> 00:05:06,370 She was the first model who only had one name. 79 00:05:06,371 --> 00:05:09,908 I mean, since renee, models from iman to cheryl tiegs 80 00:05:09,909 --> 00:05:12,410 Have had only one name. 81 00:05:18,918 --> 00:05:20,118 Forget it, kel. 82 00:05:20,119 --> 00:05:21,953 Dad works hard for his money, 83 00:05:21,954 --> 00:05:23,888 And I say we use it only for necessities. 84 00:05:23,889 --> 00:05:25,890 He's gonna give it to me so I can get me some, 85 00:05:25,891 --> 00:05:26,925 Aren't you, dad? 86 00:05:26,926 --> 00:05:28,693 [chuckles] 87 00:05:31,430 --> 00:05:33,865 Yep, both my kids have legitimate requests, 88 00:05:33,866 --> 00:05:35,734 So, uh, maybe I shall solve this 89 00:05:35,735 --> 00:05:38,536 As the oh-so-wise solomon would. 90 00:05:38,537 --> 00:05:40,205 I shall keep my money 91 00:05:40,206 --> 00:05:42,540 And go to the nudie bar tomorrow. 92 00:05:45,211 --> 00:05:48,579 So it shall be written, so it shall be danced. 93 00:05:48,580 --> 00:05:51,015 Part the seas of uselessness. 94 00:05:53,152 --> 00:05:56,354 I must go sleep with the red plague. 95 00:06:10,803 --> 00:06:13,504 Well, maybe for a penny. 96 00:06:15,207 --> 00:06:16,741 Get out of here, you old rag. 97 00:06:16,742 --> 00:06:18,209 Oh. 98 00:06:23,348 --> 00:06:24,883 [sighs] 99 00:06:26,184 --> 00:06:28,887 What's wrong with everyone, huh? 100 00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:31,122 I mean, surely a quarter's not too much to ask 101 00:06:31,123 --> 00:06:32,991 To rub your hands over all this. 102 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:37,796 Buck: Yeah, it's a real bargain. 103 00:06:37,797 --> 00:06:40,197 You and I are a lot alike, boy. 104 00:06:40,198 --> 00:06:41,532 No. 105 00:06:41,533 --> 00:06:43,401 I've had sex. 106 00:06:47,606 --> 00:06:51,141 And at least I have the decency to die at 13. 107 00:06:56,114 --> 00:06:57,449 I wonder how kelly's doing 108 00:06:57,450 --> 00:06:59,517 On her new roller-skating waitress job. 109 00:06:59,518 --> 00:07:01,753 Kelly [screaming]: Help me! 110 00:07:04,389 --> 00:07:06,790 Open the door! Open the door! Open the door! 111 00:07:12,331 --> 00:07:15,700 Open the door, bud! Hurry! 112 00:07:15,701 --> 00:07:17,134 Hurry! 113 00:07:18,169 --> 00:07:19,470 [thump] 114 00:07:25,076 --> 00:07:26,244 Thank you. 115 00:07:26,245 --> 00:07:28,279 But a trifle late. 116 00:07:29,481 --> 00:07:31,683 Help me down the steps, sneezy. 117 00:07:33,385 --> 00:07:35,687 Dumb, stupid, rotten job. 118 00:07:35,688 --> 00:07:39,356 Roller-skating waitress at bill's hilltop drive-in. 119 00:07:44,162 --> 00:07:45,897 This is what I spent all those years 120 00:07:45,898 --> 00:07:48,199 Learning my abd's for? 121 00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:51,602 How much money did you make, kel? 122 00:07:51,603 --> 00:07:52,804 Nothing. 123 00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:54,806 This is my first order. 124 00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:57,341 Stupid people put their stupid restaurant 125 00:07:57,342 --> 00:07:59,644 On a stupid hill. 126 00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:02,013 So these people order burgers and fries, 127 00:08:02,014 --> 00:08:03,915 And then they load me into this chute, 128 00:08:03,916 --> 00:08:05,483 Fire me towards the car. 129 00:08:05,484 --> 00:08:07,085 And I'm doing fine. 130 00:08:07,086 --> 00:08:10,655 I'm also doing warp 10 zooming down the expressway 131 00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:13,290 To the yells of: "it's a bird. It's a plane. 132 00:08:13,291 --> 00:08:17,061 No, it's a girl going 90 with a dress over her head." 133 00:08:18,597 --> 00:08:20,298 You know, if mom hadn't made me stop 134 00:08:20,299 --> 00:08:21,799 Kissing for money when I was 5, 135 00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:24,001 I wouldn't be in this pickle of a fish. 136 00:08:26,104 --> 00:08:28,205 So...How'd you do? 137 00:08:28,206 --> 00:08:30,474 Well, you know, I haven't actually started yet. 138 00:08:30,475 --> 00:08:32,243 Let me save you a lot of grief. 139 00:08:32,244 --> 00:08:34,478 Don't try the oil-me-up- for-a-quarter bit, 140 00:08:34,479 --> 00:08:36,247 Because you can feel the chihuahua 141 00:08:36,248 --> 00:08:37,781 Down the block for free. 142 00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:48,058 Bud, I just can't miss this bus trip. 143 00:08:48,059 --> 00:08:51,261 I mean, if I do, I'll fall behind the other models. 144 00:08:51,262 --> 00:08:53,764 I'm already failing smiling 101. 145 00:08:54,999 --> 00:08:56,600 Oh, my god. Now I've done it. 146 00:08:56,601 --> 00:08:59,269 My brain's beating faster. Help me. 147 00:09:00,339 --> 00:09:03,907 Easy now, breakfast of champions. 148 00:09:03,908 --> 00:09:06,310 Now, listen... From here on in, 149 00:09:06,311 --> 00:09:08,446 I'll do the thinking for the both of us, 150 00:09:08,447 --> 00:09:10,247 And you do the working for the both of us. 151 00:09:10,248 --> 00:09:12,683 And we'll split it 30-70. 152 00:09:14,019 --> 00:09:16,620 Wait a second, wait a second. 153 00:09:16,621 --> 00:09:18,723 I'm doing all the work, right? 154 00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:21,158 So it's 30 for me. 155 00:09:22,827 --> 00:09:24,094 Okay. 156 00:09:25,564 --> 00:09:27,632 [both laugh] 157 00:09:27,633 --> 00:09:31,035 Oh, god, I just love going to the mall. 158 00:09:31,036 --> 00:09:33,571 And did you see how I controlled myself? 159 00:09:35,740 --> 00:09:38,142 I couldn't be more proud of you if you were dead. 160 00:09:39,944 --> 00:09:41,245 You know, peg, 161 00:09:41,246 --> 00:09:43,548 The least you could have done was stand next to me in line 162 00:09:43,549 --> 00:09:45,483 When they shredded my credit cards. 163 00:09:45,484 --> 00:09:48,452 Well, it wasn't my stuff that put us over the limit. 164 00:09:48,453 --> 00:09:51,121 It was that thing you just had to have. 165 00:09:51,122 --> 00:09:54,925 So here it is: Your hanes underwear sewing kit. 166 00:09:56,495 --> 00:09:58,262 So, what do you want to do tonight? 167 00:09:58,263 --> 00:09:59,931 Same thing the rockefellers do: 168 00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:02,566 Sew my underwear up and cry. 169 00:10:03,068 --> 00:10:04,535 Come on, honey. 170 00:10:04,536 --> 00:10:06,404 I wanna go out. 171 00:10:06,405 --> 00:10:08,873 Peg, I just spent three hours in your presence. 172 00:10:08,874 --> 00:10:10,374 I watched you buy lingerie 173 00:10:10,375 --> 00:10:13,043 That I wouldn't sleep next to even if you weren't in them. 174 00:10:14,913 --> 00:10:18,516 So I don't want another chalkboard screech out of you. 175 00:10:20,519 --> 00:10:22,387 [whining] al! 176 00:10:24,289 --> 00:10:26,457 Honey, I wanna go out tonight. [clicking] 177 00:10:30,396 --> 00:10:31,396 Hi. 178 00:10:31,397 --> 00:10:32,463 Hi. 179 00:10:32,464 --> 00:10:33,865 You know, in this day and age, 180 00:10:33,866 --> 00:10:35,767 I don't know why you leave your door open. 181 00:10:35,768 --> 00:10:38,703 A maniac could just walk in and kill you. 182 00:10:38,704 --> 00:10:41,772 Yeah, like I ever get what I want. 183 00:10:45,043 --> 00:10:48,112 Yeah, al, uh, we'd kind of like to rent a video tonight, 184 00:10:48,113 --> 00:10:49,780 Pop it on the old vcr, 185 00:10:49,781 --> 00:10:52,150 And spend a nice night at home. 186 00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:53,918 What are you telling me for? 187 00:10:53,919 --> 00:10:56,353 That's our vcr. 188 00:10:56,354 --> 00:10:57,888 Yes, I guess about a month ago, 189 00:10:57,889 --> 00:10:59,523 When you came over to borrow a soda, 190 00:10:59,524 --> 00:11:01,358 And we said, "take whatever you want," 191 00:11:01,359 --> 00:11:04,195 You might have misunderstood. 192 00:11:04,196 --> 00:11:06,731 Which brings me to our flatware. 193 00:11:06,732 --> 00:11:08,899 Hey, I didn't steal your bra. 194 00:11:10,769 --> 00:11:13,237 Easy, marcie. 195 00:11:16,074 --> 00:11:17,875 Al, I know what let's do. 196 00:11:17,876 --> 00:11:19,977 Let's go over to their house and watch videos. 197 00:11:19,978 --> 00:11:21,846 Marcie, that's a great idea. 198 00:11:21,847 --> 00:11:23,447 You'll bring the food and the movies, 199 00:11:23,448 --> 00:11:24,916 And we'll bring your vcr. 200 00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:26,383 [laughs] 201 00:11:26,384 --> 00:11:28,119 Absolutely not. 202 00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:30,721 Dad, I just got kelly a babysitting gig, 203 00:11:30,722 --> 00:11:33,256 So tonight you have to stay up in the bedroom with mom. 204 00:11:34,459 --> 00:11:36,460 Oh, al... 205 00:11:37,663 --> 00:11:41,365 We can break in my new lingerie. 206 00:11:41,366 --> 00:11:42,633 I know. 207 00:11:42,634 --> 00:11:45,403 I'll wear the mood panties. 208 00:11:49,308 --> 00:11:50,541 [clicking] 209 00:11:54,579 --> 00:11:55,780 Hey! 210 00:11:55,781 --> 00:11:57,214 Let's do it! Let's go! 211 00:11:57,215 --> 00:11:59,517 Last one to your house gets to sit next to the wife. 212 00:11:59,518 --> 00:12:01,084 Come on. 213 00:12:04,356 --> 00:12:05,522 Babysitting. 214 00:12:05,523 --> 00:12:07,024 God, the degradation. 215 00:12:07,025 --> 00:12:10,261 You know, the last time I babysat, 216 00:12:10,262 --> 00:12:13,197 It was for this stupid little boy. 217 00:12:13,198 --> 00:12:14,732 I got so sick of his whining 218 00:12:14,733 --> 00:12:17,835 That I held him over the toilet and I kept on flushing it... 219 00:12:17,836 --> 00:12:21,038 Telling him that the next time, he'd be in it. 220 00:12:21,039 --> 00:12:23,808 From then on, every time he heard running water, 221 00:12:23,809 --> 00:12:25,976 He freaked. 222 00:12:25,977 --> 00:12:28,512 Too bad, I just can't remember who that kid was though. 223 00:12:29,748 --> 00:12:31,148 [water running] 224 00:12:31,149 --> 00:12:33,150 [whimpering] 225 00:12:35,854 --> 00:12:36,854 [sighs] 226 00:12:36,855 --> 00:12:37,989 Oh, well. 227 00:12:37,990 --> 00:12:39,857 I'm sure he's gotten over it by now. 228 00:12:39,858 --> 00:12:41,892 [doorbell rings] 229 00:12:41,893 --> 00:12:43,461 That must be the client now. 230 00:12:44,529 --> 00:12:46,330 Just can't figure it out, though. 231 00:12:46,331 --> 00:12:49,766 Why would people pay $120 just to babysit one kid? 232 00:12:49,767 --> 00:12:51,402 I didn't say one kid, kel. 233 00:12:51,403 --> 00:12:53,004 I said one family. 234 00:12:53,005 --> 00:12:55,339 Which family? 235 00:12:55,340 --> 00:12:57,708 The hubbards. 236 00:12:57,709 --> 00:12:59,377 [all shouting] 237 00:13:02,180 --> 00:13:05,183 Kel, I got the money, and I'm off to the concert. 238 00:13:05,184 --> 00:13:06,517 Bud, don't leave me! 239 00:13:06,518 --> 00:13:08,018 I'm your sister! 240 00:13:08,019 --> 00:13:09,119 What means more to you: 241 00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:11,288 Your sister or some little tramp? 242 00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:18,729 So...Are we gonna be good little boys and girls? 243 00:13:18,730 --> 00:13:20,397 Destroy! Kill! 244 00:13:20,398 --> 00:13:21,398 Hate. 245 00:13:21,399 --> 00:13:24,168 I went wee-wee. 246 00:13:24,169 --> 00:13:26,670 Help! 247 00:13:27,672 --> 00:13:30,107 Okay, now, here are our choices: 248 00:13:30,108 --> 00:13:32,376 Anna karenina, 249 00:13:32,377 --> 00:13:34,211 Beaches, 250 00:13:34,212 --> 00:13:36,847 Madame sousatzka, 251 00:13:36,848 --> 00:13:39,516 Or the one that was already in the vcr, 252 00:13:39,517 --> 00:13:42,252 Breast monsters from jupiter. 253 00:13:43,421 --> 00:13:45,355 Well, I've already seen breast monsters, 254 00:13:45,356 --> 00:13:46,691 But I'll go around again. 255 00:13:46,692 --> 00:13:48,325 I won't spoil the ending for you, 256 00:13:48,326 --> 00:13:50,327 But it involves breasts. 257 00:13:50,328 --> 00:13:52,063 [both laugh] 258 00:13:52,064 --> 00:13:54,898 Oh, well, I'm game if the ladies don't mind. 259 00:13:58,036 --> 00:14:00,605 Or we could watch that one second. 260 00:14:00,606 --> 00:14:01,905 No, let's watch that beaches one. 261 00:14:01,906 --> 00:14:03,974 I wouldn't mind seeing a couple of college babes 262 00:14:03,975 --> 00:14:05,108 In string bikinis. 263 00:14:05,977 --> 00:14:07,645 Actually... 264 00:14:07,646 --> 00:14:10,648 A complex tale about the enduring friendship 265 00:14:10,649 --> 00:14:14,452 Of two women over a period of 18 years. 266 00:14:14,453 --> 00:14:17,254 Two girls swapping tans on a beach for 18 years? 267 00:14:17,255 --> 00:14:18,989 Pop it in. 268 00:14:18,990 --> 00:14:20,991 You know, we can watch it until they hit 30. 269 00:14:20,992 --> 00:14:22,793 [both chuckle] 270 00:14:24,429 --> 00:14:26,897 Then we watch breast monsters from jupiter. 271 00:14:26,898 --> 00:14:27,998 [both laugh] 272 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:30,467 Oh, relax, al. 273 00:14:30,468 --> 00:14:32,736 You haven't even learned how to capture breasts 274 00:14:32,737 --> 00:14:34,671 On this planet yet. 275 00:14:36,808 --> 00:14:38,241 He loves them, you know... 276 00:14:38,242 --> 00:14:40,243 But he doesn't know how to handle them. 277 00:14:41,513 --> 00:14:43,948 You know, sometimes at night, 278 00:14:43,949 --> 00:14:45,349 He'll grab my knee, 279 00:14:45,350 --> 00:14:46,684 Squeeze it, heh, 280 00:14:46,685 --> 00:14:49,419 And say, "go on, say it. 281 00:14:49,420 --> 00:14:52,389 Who's the king, baby? Who's the king?" 282 00:14:52,390 --> 00:14:53,891 [laughs] 283 00:14:55,193 --> 00:14:58,696 Sometimes I laugh so hard, I lose my place in my book. 284 00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:03,700 Well, I-- in my defense, 285 00:15:03,701 --> 00:15:05,536 Uh, these days, most things on her 286 00:15:05,537 --> 00:15:07,171 Orbit around her knees. 287 00:15:07,172 --> 00:15:08,639 [laughs] 288 00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:10,508 Shall we movie? 289 00:15:10,509 --> 00:15:11,675 [claps twice] 290 00:15:17,115 --> 00:15:18,115 Honk, honk. Oh! 291 00:15:18,116 --> 00:15:19,116 [both laugh] 292 00:15:19,117 --> 00:15:21,252 You love it, baby. 293 00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:23,220 "'honk, honk,' said the goss..." 294 00:15:23,221 --> 00:15:24,889 "goose." 295 00:15:29,895 --> 00:15:31,194 Oh. 296 00:15:31,195 --> 00:15:34,798 "goose, as she swims to find..." 297 00:15:36,735 --> 00:15:38,702 "a." 298 00:15:40,471 --> 00:15:42,973 "...A worm for dinner"? 299 00:15:42,974 --> 00:15:43,974 Very good. 300 00:15:43,975 --> 00:15:45,342 [giggles] 301 00:15:48,846 --> 00:15:51,915 "quickie she flopped her winds..." 302 00:15:51,916 --> 00:15:53,050 Oh, god. 303 00:15:53,051 --> 00:15:56,654 Look...Let me capsize the story for you. 304 00:16:00,124 --> 00:16:02,459 When the goose got where it was going, 305 00:16:02,460 --> 00:16:06,530 She met this really cool blonde goose... 306 00:16:06,531 --> 00:16:08,599 Who only had one name: 307 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:10,401 Kelly. 308 00:16:10,402 --> 00:16:11,902 Cool, huh? Huh. 309 00:16:13,438 --> 00:16:15,706 Anyway, she was a model. 310 00:16:15,707 --> 00:16:17,675 Everybody thought that she was dumb, 311 00:16:17,676 --> 00:16:19,476 But she wasn't. 312 00:16:21,979 --> 00:16:24,948 Anyway... She was so beautiful 313 00:16:24,949 --> 00:16:28,185 That all the boys in fairyland wanted her. 314 00:16:28,186 --> 00:16:31,088 You know, like prince charming and... 315 00:16:31,089 --> 00:16:33,657 The guy with the pies and the sheep... 316 00:16:33,658 --> 00:16:36,927 The guy shaped like an egg... 317 00:16:36,928 --> 00:16:40,531 Dopey and zeppo... 318 00:16:40,532 --> 00:16:42,032 Curly and moe, 319 00:16:42,033 --> 00:16:45,001 And the other dwarfs, et cetera. 320 00:16:45,002 --> 00:16:48,004 But instead of going to the fairy dance, 321 00:16:48,005 --> 00:16:49,273 She had to babysit 322 00:16:49,274 --> 00:16:53,076 A bunch of troll-like snot monsters, who... 323 00:16:53,077 --> 00:16:55,646 If one of them squirts me with that gun, 324 00:16:55,647 --> 00:16:57,981 Will die a horrible, screaming death, 325 00:16:57,982 --> 00:17:01,052 Along with his demon-seed brother and sister hubbards, 326 00:17:01,053 --> 00:17:04,387 At the hands of the mighty dragon-beast buck, 327 00:17:04,388 --> 00:17:07,457 Who hasn't eaten for a thousand years. 328 00:17:10,729 --> 00:17:12,363 The end. 329 00:17:12,364 --> 00:17:15,332 So...What have we learned from all this? 330 00:17:15,333 --> 00:17:17,568 You die at dawn. 331 00:17:17,569 --> 00:17:18,569 [all shouting] 332 00:17:18,570 --> 00:17:20,104 [kelly screams] 333 00:17:24,909 --> 00:17:26,209 Isn't this a good movie? 334 00:17:26,210 --> 00:17:28,545 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, it's great. 335 00:17:29,781 --> 00:17:31,682 Jefferson: Why did I marry? 336 00:17:31,683 --> 00:17:33,650 All I ever really wanted to do 337 00:17:33,651 --> 00:17:36,119 Was play racquetball with the guys, 338 00:17:36,120 --> 00:17:39,089 Maybe ride a motorcycle across country, 339 00:17:39,090 --> 00:17:42,526 Go to california and become a porno star. 340 00:17:44,829 --> 00:17:46,196 Ah... 341 00:17:46,197 --> 00:17:49,099 But this is almost as much fun. 342 00:17:49,100 --> 00:17:51,067 Peg: What a life. 343 00:17:51,068 --> 00:17:52,402 Is this it? 344 00:17:52,403 --> 00:17:54,271 Is this the end? 345 00:17:54,272 --> 00:17:57,775 Did it happen last night, and no one told me? 346 00:17:57,776 --> 00:17:59,443 Gads. 347 00:17:59,444 --> 00:18:00,844 It's Saturday night. 348 00:18:00,845 --> 00:18:03,447 I should be out on the town, dressed in leopard, 349 00:18:03,448 --> 00:18:08,251 Purring like a kitten in karl "the mailman" malone's lap. 350 00:18:09,687 --> 00:18:13,123 Ah, but this is almost as much fun. 351 00:18:18,463 --> 00:18:21,331 Al: Hey! Peg would wanna see this. 352 00:18:25,970 --> 00:18:28,705 Marcie: I know what they're all thinking: 353 00:18:28,706 --> 00:18:31,842 Marcie has the smallest breasts in the room. 354 00:18:33,411 --> 00:18:36,113 Well, I'm happy about it. Happy, I tell you. 355 00:18:36,114 --> 00:18:39,250 They are perfectly symmetrical for my frame. 356 00:18:39,251 --> 00:18:41,952 And I'm happy about it. Happy, I tell you. 357 00:18:41,953 --> 00:18:44,421 Besides, I'm smart. 358 00:18:44,422 --> 00:18:47,458 I have a big brain. 359 00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:49,526 That's what men really want. 360 00:18:49,527 --> 00:18:50,827 Milk dud? 361 00:18:50,828 --> 00:18:52,296 Tootsie roll. 362 00:18:57,602 --> 00:19:00,670 Al: How long is this movie, an eon? 363 00:19:00,671 --> 00:19:02,940 There isn't a woman under 50 in this film. 364 00:19:06,444 --> 00:19:08,044 About now on jupiter, 365 00:19:08,045 --> 00:19:11,582 The breast gladiators would be dueling with the liquid cheese. 366 00:19:13,351 --> 00:19:17,520 But, gee, then I'd be missing out on all this human feeling. 367 00:19:20,392 --> 00:19:22,325 God, what happened to me? 368 00:19:23,995 --> 00:19:26,529 When I was young, I would have beat the hell out of him 369 00:19:26,530 --> 00:19:29,433 And made his wife hold my jacket. 370 00:19:29,434 --> 00:19:33,337 And here I am hanging out with them. 371 00:19:33,338 --> 00:19:36,139 God, I was great when I was a kid. 372 00:19:36,140 --> 00:19:37,974 A football hero. 373 00:19:37,975 --> 00:19:41,778 Young, strong, fast, indestructible. 374 00:19:44,282 --> 00:19:46,216 ♪ memories ♪ 375 00:19:46,217 --> 00:19:49,553 ♪ of the world I left behind ♪ 376 00:19:49,554 --> 00:19:52,489 ♪ misty, water-colored memories ♪ 377 00:19:52,490 --> 00:19:55,392 ♪ of the way we were ♪ 378 00:19:56,394 --> 00:19:59,096 Peg: ♪ shattered pictures ♪ 379 00:19:59,097 --> 00:20:03,267 ♪ of the smiles I left behind ♪ 380 00:20:03,268 --> 00:20:07,871 ♪ smiles we gave to one another ♪ 381 00:20:07,872 --> 00:20:12,443 ♪ for the way we were ♪ 382 00:20:12,444 --> 00:20:18,749 Jefferson: ♪ can it be that it was all so simple then? ♪ 383 00:20:18,750 --> 00:20:24,554 ♪ or has time rewritten every line? ♪ 384 00:20:24,555 --> 00:20:28,926 Marcie: ♪ if we had the chance to do it all again ♪ 385 00:20:28,927 --> 00:20:32,729 ♪ tell me, would we? ♪ 386 00:20:32,730 --> 00:20:35,432 ♪ could we? ♪ 387 00:20:37,202 --> 00:20:40,404 All: ♪ memories ♪ 388 00:20:40,405 --> 00:20:44,474 ♪ may be beautiful and yet ♪ 389 00:20:44,475 --> 00:20:49,979 ♪ what's too painful to remember ♪ 390 00:20:49,980 --> 00:20:54,818 ♪ we simply choose to forget ♪ 391 00:20:54,819 --> 00:20:58,889 ♪ so it's the laughter ♪ 392 00:20:58,890 --> 00:21:02,626 ♪ we will remember ♪ 393 00:21:02,627 --> 00:21:07,598 ♪ whenever we remember ♪ 394 00:21:07,599 --> 00:21:11,902 ♪ the way we were ♪ 395 00:21:11,903 --> 00:21:18,141 ♪ the way we were ♪ 396 00:21:19,677 --> 00:21:22,112 [all sobbing] 397 00:21:30,755 --> 00:21:31,789 Hi, kel. 398 00:21:31,790 --> 00:21:33,324 [clears throat] 399 00:21:33,325 --> 00:21:34,491 The greatest thing. 400 00:21:35,527 --> 00:21:37,728 I got her front row. 401 00:21:37,729 --> 00:21:40,163 I got her backstage. 402 00:21:40,164 --> 00:21:42,165 I got her. 403 00:21:46,537 --> 00:21:48,338 I was so cool! 404 00:21:49,207 --> 00:21:51,508 Could you untie me, please? 405 00:21:51,509 --> 00:21:53,110 Well, I'm not sure. 406 00:21:53,111 --> 00:21:55,412 Would you be mad if I said I spent your share of the money 407 00:21:55,413 --> 00:21:56,413 On my date? 408 00:21:57,248 --> 00:21:58,615 I'd kill you. 409 00:21:58,616 --> 00:22:00,550 Well, then... 410 00:22:00,551 --> 00:22:03,020 I'll see you in the morning. 411 00:22:03,021 --> 00:22:04,787 If you need me, I'll be upstairs. 412 00:22:04,788 --> 00:22:07,290 The bad thing do make you sleepy. 413 00:22:08,659 --> 00:22:10,194 [grunts] 414 00:22:11,196 --> 00:22:12,329 Oh, god. 415 00:22:26,210 --> 00:22:28,278 [♪]